I haven't written here in awhile. I didn't need to. The summer was largely calm, as far as seizures go. Aaron was at home pretty much all summer. I didn't need to worry. Home is calm, home is stress-free, home is fewer seizures.
I was so nervous about him starting 6th grade. New school, new class structure, much more movement. I kept thinking back to last year and how much school he missed and how horrible it all was.
And last Wednesday was our first day of school. It went perfectly. In fact, he didn't have any seizures until Friday, and even that was a very brief one, in class. He even went to a sleepover at a friend's the next night, and he was completely fine.
And today about noon I got a call from the school nurse. Aaron was in her office, having had a seizure and fell and scraped up his elbow. He wanted to rest for a bit, and see how it went. I got another call a half hour later to come pick him up. I've been close to tears ever since.
He was weak and trembling. Could barely walk. He could barely feel his legs, like he did so much last year. I kept telling him that it's just anxiety, that his legs are strong and work fine. Of course it didn't help, why would it? I feel so impotent against this beast epilepsy, and the havoc it wreaks on his little body.
I had just started to hope, too. I had just started believing I could maybe look for another job and get out of this very bad career situation I am in now. I even started looking at nursing programs - going back to school to become a nurse. I thought I could make plans for my future that didn't have to bow to seizures.
And in one damn phone call, it all came crashing down. This...this is why I don't hope much anymore. They always, always come back.
